WHAT TO DO WHEN CLOWNS ATTACK: Self Defence against Killer Clowns |4 mins read|

WHAT TO DO WHEN CLOWNS ATTACK: Self Defence against Killer Clowns |4 mins read|

WHAT TO DO WHEN CLOWNS ATTACK: Self Defence against Killer Clowns |4 mins read|

THIS WEEK: Self Defence against killer clown…LIONSselfdefence.com Launches…My Creative Spelling

Killer Clowns have taken over the world and now they are here, in the UK, on our streets…under your bed! Ok maybe that was too far. A craze of wannabe pranksters dressing as clowns and scaring people with knives and chainsaws have hit the news. With Halloween just around the corner, this prank isn’t going anywhere and Police are warning that it may get WORSE so it may be useful to know some self-defence safety tips. I highly doubt terrible things will happen, but the self defence may come in handy if you are confronted by a clown wielding anything more than a balloon sword.

DISCLAIMER: I actually don’t mind real clowns (did i just say real clowns?!). In fact when I was about 5 years old my parents took me to see the Moscow State Circus, I was so mesmerised by clown that I began to learn magic and performance arts. In fact, I went to a Chinese Circus a few months later and saw a martial arts clown and this inspired me to take up martial arts. So its only fitting that my first blog post should be abut clowns.


I just cant take these ‘joker’ Killer Clowns seriously – I bet they cant even juggle. None of us should take a clown seriously if he/she can’t
                     1. Juggle
                     2. Make Balloon Animals
                     3. pull a rabbit out of a hat

In fact, if you are confronted by one of these prankster-wannabes then I suggest you throw things at them to see if they can juggle. If they can’t then tell them to uni-cycle on. If they don’t have a uni-cycle then Boo them for good measure as they waddle off with their huge clown feet. (this isn’t the self defence tip – that will come later)

SIDE NOTE:  I wonder what would happen if you ran into a killer clown and pulled out your own clown mask?! I bet they have never considered that. #ClownStandoff #juggleoff #betIcanMakeBetterBallonAnimalsThanYou #FairShout #MyNoseIsBiggerThanYours


This is no laughing matter, so far this craze has swept the nation and left casualties in its wake. One incident saw a mother go into premature labour while others have seen acts of violence and prosecutions. My heart goes out to those people and their children who may have been scarred for life by someones sick idea of a joke. After all some people have a genuine phobia of clowns and movies like Stephan Kings ‘It’ don’t do much to help. Some people have a genuine fear of clowns and everybody is, at least to some degree, afraid of people in masks running around with weapons. It’s only a matter of time before Someone exploits this craze and uses it to harm someone.


NO!!! You can’t just go around beating clowns up. That’s just not socially acceptable. Can you imagine if it’s just Mr Bubbles on his way to work and he has to wear that uniform as a mandate of his employment – for example if he’s a … REAL CLOWN (ok, it didn’t sound any less weird the second time). Moreover, you are not Batman. Please don’t try to be a vigilante; Remember  that some of these ‘Killer’ Clowns are just kids messing around trying to get a better video than their friends – the media does well to blow it out of proportion and make us think that clowns are taking over the world and killing people.


The advice from the police is somewhat priceless. “Try and keep calm, and report the indigent to authorities”, said Assistant Chief Constable Catherine Hankinson from Greater Manchester Police to ‘The Sun Online’. Im all for the very British Keep Calm and Carry on method, in fact I agree that we should also report it to the authorities. However I would like to chime in here and add my own 20p’s worth. Why am I adding to this sound, holistic advice I hear you ask. Well, firstly being put in fear of immediate unlawful danger is actually defined as Common Assault under Section 39 of the criminal justice act 1988 (nope, thats not legal advice and I’m not a legal professional – consult legal experts for legal advice) and when people are put in fear they don’t make the best choices, so its good to have a plan.


If a clown does any more than squirt you with a water flower you have to treat it like any other self defence situation. Because you have no idea who this individual is or their intentions. These are the 3 things you must do (you will hear me talk about these 3 principles often in different circumstances)

1. RUN
Why not? If its just a prankster trying to get a reaction WOW they got one, will be a story for you to tell your family at the dinner table in the safety of your home. If, on the other hand, its something more dangerous then you got away and can tell the story to your family at the dinner table in the safety of your home. EITHER WAY YOU WIN.

Many of these clown pranks have seen people approached while they are driving. If you are driving then either reverse or swerve and get away. DO NOT attempt to step out of the car and confront them or take a casual selfie with the clown, it’s not a party.

if you cant immediately escape the situation then you need to set boundaries
Verbally – Point out the behaviour, tell them how you feel, tell them what you want to happen. Be assertive, it’s not a discussion
Physically – Use the LIONS wall technique, don’t let them invade your space

A preemptive attack may be warranted depending on your situation. If its just a prankster they will not have come out to fight or hurt you and will run off or say sorry and ask you to stop.
Pull off the mask – I always teach the LIONS paw technique to control the head, while you are doing this, take their mask off. People behave very differently when they don’t have a mask to hide behind.
A lot of these killer clowns have been spotted with sledgehammers and other weapons. These are midrange weapons so if you are confronted with a clown holding one of these, then distance is your friend. Get in close or keep at a distance so they cannot use the weapon.

Fight to Flee – As always remember that when we fight on the street, its to protect ourselves, our families and is in keeping with the law of the land. As such, we must only use force that is reasonable to allow us to escape the situation. Escape is the victory, nobody will give you a medal…it’s not the CBC (Clown Battering Championships).

FINAL THOUGHTS (seriousness over)

This craze will pass, in the meantime empower yourself by putting this into perspective – at the time of writing this there have been no fatalities from the clown apocalypse. In fact I’m pretty convinced that a certain clown who may or may not be associated to a certain speedy food franchise has resulted in more slow painful deaths than these fake clowns ever will (OK this real / fake clown thing needs to stop – its weird).

ADVICE ON LIFE: If you are ever attacked by a pack of clowns, go for the JUGGLER… HAHAHA… get it? Jugular…Juggler? .. ha..ha… *AWKWARD*

Stay Safe, Stay Empowered, Stay Awesome, STAY LIONS

If you have a clown related story, have seen one of these crazy killer clowns please leave a reply below and let me know.

LIONSselfdefence.com LAUNCHES

This is the first blog post from our new website. I decided to create this website and the new social media around it to take what I have been doing in the community and bring it to a wider audience. The voice of Violence is getting louder, I feel it’s the duty of self-defence and security experts to also get louder. I really hope you enjoy it, and if you have any feedback please let me know.


Unless that feedback is about my spelling errors. I am a creative speller and sometimes get so engrossed in what I’m saying and writing that I totally ignore the little red spelling error line. Ill do my best for you.

I hope you enjoyed this post. PLEASE SHARE, IT MAY HELPT SOMEONE

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